So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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