So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
