So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
