So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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