At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
