Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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