The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
