On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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