I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
