I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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