Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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