Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
