my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
