"it" just moved
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didn't notice because vodka
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
