Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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