I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
