im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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