i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
