ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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