the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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