Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
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