Say something about gay babies.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
