Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
