guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
