Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
