last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
