i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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