you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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