i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
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Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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