I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
