I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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