Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
