you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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