they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
