he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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