A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
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I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Good thing I've started drinking again
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.