in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"