I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows