I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
