The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She said her name was "party"
my sisters under your porch take her home
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.