I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I could make wine with my vomit
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.