party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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