i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
