I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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