I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
