Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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