I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
