You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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