dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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