Im at strip club and am horny
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
