no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
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I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children