We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum