happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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