OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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