the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?