I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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