As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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