Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
