yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
