If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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