are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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