My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
