Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I looked at my own cervix.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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