I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Semen is not good for contacts.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
