Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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