i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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