what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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