have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
