Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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