Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
