we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
