It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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