Pappa wants mamma naked
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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