the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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