who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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