Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
