I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
