you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
