He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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