never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
