you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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