Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Acid is not a monday night drug
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
