I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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